Sing the Lullaby
by WildWolfMoon
Summary: “You see, Kisame, there was only one solution. It was either let his body collapse on itself, or turn Itachi into a five year old.”
1. Prologue

Kisame was exhausted.

The most recent mission had been a suicide one, and the shark could hardly believe he was still alive. Multiple stab wounds, genjitsu, various broken bones and loss of sleep had all taken their toll on the shark. Itachi hadn't fared much better; a puncture to his right lung, severed tendons in his legs and a various ninjitsu.

The second the two of them had reached the base, they had been hurried to the hospital wing, each to separate rooms.

Kisame had been in a coma for over a week, as Sasori and Kakuzu worked like mad to keep his heart beating. Pein had kidnapped a professional medic nin, and the nin and Konan were going over time, healing Itachi.

Kisame was propped up on his pillows as Pein explained the information of what had happened to him. His head was pounding from the florescent lights, throat scratchy and dry. Kisame desperately wanted some water, but he couldn't ask the Akatsuki leader to fetch him a glass.

"You're not in the danger zone anymore," Pein said reassuringly as Kisame shifted his body, trying to see if anything was still damaged.

"What about Itachi?"

Pein paused, looking uncomfortable. "Well....he's fine, for the most part...."

That didn't sound good. "For the most part?"

Pein fidgeted. "He's stable, for the most part. Wounds healing nicely. It's just...."

Kisame sighed. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

Pein didn't speak for a long moment. "He had extensive brain damage, and there was only way to be able to correct all of it."

Kisame felt cold.

"His memory of the past three years is gone, although Konan has some idea of how to help him recover it. However, his sixteen year old body can't handle the stress that the surgery is putting him through. So we had to..."

Another long silence. Kisame wanted to scream.

Finally, Pein spoke again. "You see, Kisame, there was only one solution. It was either let his body collapse on itself, or turn Itachi into a five year old."

* * *

"Auntie Konan, Ita wants a cookie," the small brunette child whined, clinging to the woman's legs. Konan smiled down at him, corners of her mouth trembling

"Now, Itachi, you need to go speak to Uncle Pein, alright?" she asked gently, trying to pry the surprisingly strong hands off her coat. "Then you can have a cookie."

"What does Uncle Pein want to speak to Ita about?" Itachi asked, chewing on his thumb.

"He just needs to run some tests to see if you're alright, is all."

"Is Ita sick?" the weasel asked softly. "Is Ita going to die?"

"No, he only eats the bigger kids, Itachi," Konan said seriously.

Wide black eyes turned on her, filling up with tears.

"Whoa! Don't you get the concept of a joke?!"

* * *

"What the hell?! This is ITACHI?! No fucking way!" Hidan gasped, lavender eyes wide.

Itachi glared up at the immortal. "Ita doesn't like you. Ita thinks the funny looking person in front of him is mean."

Deidara raised an eyebrow. "Yep. It' 's Itachi, un."

Hidan was still gaping at the small brunette, who was now sucking his thumb. Kakuzu was also in shock, staring at the kid like he was Satan himself.

"Deidara, Hidan. Watch Itachi," Konan said shortly, shoving the weasel towards the two. "I have a meeting with Kisame and Pein. He doesn't remember you, by the way, so act....nice."

As she left, followed by Kakuzu muttering something about child care costs, Hidan turned to Deidara. "Why was she looking at me when she told us to be nice?"

* * *

"Kisame, please. This was necessary," Konan pleaded as she watched the shark's eyes darken.

"AND WHY WAS IT IMPORTANT THAT MY PARTNER GETS TURNED INTO A FUCKING _PRESCHOOLER_?!" the shark roared as he advanced on Pein and Konan.

Pein sighed and rubbed at his temples, before gesturing to a seat in front of his desk. "Kisame, sit down. We'll give you the details."

Kisame glared at them for a moment more before pulling out the chair and sitting down heavily. Pein settled himself in his own chair across from the shark while Konan remained standing.

"Now Kisame, you understand that Itachi had brain damage from the latest mission, correct?"

"Yes," Kisame hissed, teeth clenched.

"Konan and our recently disposed of medic nin were forced to preform surgery on him. If left alone, his muscle control would have frozen up. Including the muscles in his heart. So it was important we corrected it before that happened.

"However, there are some problems with this surgery. We have to delve deep into the central nervous control system. To be able to reach that, we need to be able to open the skull to reach the premotor cortex. Also, with him being fully grown, there was a chance that if we missed, we could have damaged his primary visual cortex, and with his eyesight, we can't risk damage to the retinas.

The only option was to make him younger, therefore making the plates on his head not fully fused. We fixed the damage, but his anterior association cortex was damaged during the process. In short, he's lost all memory of life in Akatsuki, the murder of his clan, and even his brother. In fact, he thinks that he will be starting the ninja academy next week.

Now this can fixed. Konan will be forcing chakra into his brain once every week, but according to her, this will take at least three months to correct."

"Three MONTHS?!" Kisame yelled, eyes wide. "What the hell, Pein! I can't complete any missions without him!"

Pein sighed as Konan looked away. "Yes. Well, since that is true, then you will be his baby sitter until his memory is recovered."

"Huh?"

* * *

Large black eyes met gold as the weasel stared fearlessly at the shark.

"Uh....hi," Kisame smiled after a moment. Itachi looked so different as a kid. His hair wasn't so long, and his eyes were free of red. Baby fat rounded his pale cheeks.

"Ita thinks you look like a goldfish," Itachi informed him, sticking his thumb back his mouth.

Kisame's eye twitched. "Well....I haven't had anyone say that to me before...."

"Where's Auntie Konan?!" Itachi asked suddenly. "Ita wants Auntie Konan. She promised Ita cookies."

"Itachi, Konan is busy," the shark said, kneeling in front of the small brunette.

"With what?"

Oh god, those eyes....

"There's a small problem with your memory right now, Itachi. Auntie Konan and Uncle....Pein are trying to figure out how to fix it," Kisame said softly.

Itachi blinked, processing this information. "Oh. Well....does goldfish want to play with Ita?" he asked after a moment.

"...I guess?"

* * *

**Author's Comments:** ...*xotakux2002x's request: turn Itachi into a five year who has no memory of Akatsuki.

My anatomy is finally coming in handy!


	2. Chapter 1

"...And the bomb goes off..." here, Itachi made a little explosion like noise, lifting the doll he was holding off the table, making it look like something had blown it away. "And then Tommy is blown to pieces and dies. His girlfriend finds him the next day and sobs until she dies from a broken heart. Actually it was a cancer from crying in the sun so much. But a witch says she will save Hannah, if Hannah sells her soul to the devil..."

Kisame's eye was twitching again as Itachi continued with his game, holding a small female doll, the male one lying eagle spread on the floor. He was sitting crossed legged as Itachi crawled around the living room, muttering his story about Tommy and his girlfriend Hannah.

He was pretty sure most five year olds game's didn't involve quite so much death.

"How's it going, un?" Deidara asked, nudging the living room door open. Itachi glanced up at the noise and waved with one chubby hand. "Dei-nii!"

"Hello, Ita-chan, un," Deidara smiled before turning to Kisame. "So....how's it going?"

"He's defiantly Itachi."

Deidara stared at him. "What?"

"I said that's defiantly Itachi," Kisame repeated, pointing at the Uchiha. Itachi was trying to pry off the male doll's head, eyes narrowed at the toy in his hands. "He's playing a game where the main characters are being blown up, stabbed, betrayed, tortured, kidnapped, drawn and quartered, burnt to death...I could go on."

Deidara stood up slowly, looking slightly sick. "Let's hope he recovers soon, un."

* * *

"Itachi, eat your dinner," Kisame commanded, pointing at the plate. Itachi stared at the shark, then his plate full of cauliflower and fish, nose wrinkling at the food.

"No. Ita doesn't like fish or milk, goldfish. Ita likes sweets. Ita wants sweets."

"Itachi, there are no cookies for boys who do not eat," Kisame insisted, sitting in his own chair.

"Ita doesn't want it. Ita wants cookies." Itachi scowled at him, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting, sticking out one fat lower lip.

That kid could be slightly less cute and still get his way all the time. Were all children that adorable, or was it just the Uchiha?

"No, Itachi."

Itachi glared at him, and Kisame felt a thrill go up his spine when he noticed the black pupils being overtaken by red.

"Ita wants a cookie. NOW."

Kisame whimpered as Itachi's eyes darkened, holding up his hands in defeat. "Okay! You can have you cookie! Just turn off the Sharigan!"

Itachi paused, eyes quizzical through the red. "What's Sharigan, goldfish?"

Kisame blinked. "It's your blood limit. Don't you know this?"

Itachi stared at him for a moment, red eyes fading to black once again. "Bloodline....limit?"

Konan, standing outside of the door, scowled. Itachi's memory was worse than she had thought.

* * *

"Okay..." Konan began, spreading her papers over the table. "I think I've found the source of the problem."

"Go ahead," Pein smiled, motioning with his head towards the papers.

"Alright. Itachi has amnesia, you know that. Now what the brainwaves from his last scan-yesterday- indicate that unless we can get him to remember life as a Akatsuki, he can't grow up. Meaning, he'll be stuck as a five year old forever, as his body won't let itself age until it figures out what's wrong with him."

"Mm hm...." Pein scowled as Konan shoved some papers into his hands, the top one half folded into a crane. "What are these for?"

"Possible ideas of why he isn't making progress. It's been over two weeks, Pein. He should have at least some basic idea of us, some memory. But he doesn't. He doesn't even remember Kisame, and they're best friends.

Possibly, it's that his brain is suppressing something unpleasant. Or something he doesn't want to have to say, or something that he has to do that he doesn't want to."

"So basically, you're saying you have no idea what the hell we're doing here."

Konan sighed and smiled tiredly. "I didn't say that...."

* * *

It had been two weeks.

So far, Kisame's baby sitting was not going well. Itachi was _violent_ for a kid barely out of diapers. Kisame had no idea a Barbie could be killed/disassembled in so many ways.

And then there was the kitchen.

Deidara was delighted about Itachi's age and innocence, taking it upon himself to teach the small brunette "true art".

Kakuzu had nearly had a heart attack at the repair estimates, and was still in the hospital wing, Hidan hovering over him anxiously.

The kitchen was now a smoking ruin, everything in there damaged beyond repair, except for the Akatsuki's beloved coffee machine, which Deidara had hidden in his room beforehand.

Kisame wondered is Itachi really had been like this, as the small brunette tugged on his hand, pulling him towards the living room to watch his favorite show, "The Ninja Next Door".

But....he was pretty cute this way, he thought as Itachi curled up on the couch, smooshing one hand into a chubby cheek.

Maybe the Itachi he knew, a cold blooded killer, was better than he had thought.

Because under the weasel's hard act, there was this soft, sweet addicted child, who Kisame loved more than anyone in the world.

* * *

**Author's Comments:** This seriously took an hour to submit. My computer is so slow, I had to restart it to get it to load this, and youtube is screwed up again.

Hope it's worth all the trouble I went through -_- stupid technology

And Laura, gotta say this again: You picked the best Switchfoot CD ever.


	3. Chapter 2

"Dammit.." Konan muttered, searching through the stack of files. "Oh dear god, please don't let me have lost it..."

"What is it, honey?" Pein asked from the doorway, and the frazzled woman glared at him. He instinctively took a step backwards as she advanced on him, clutching a fistful of papers tightly.

"It's....gone..." she hissed through clenched teeth. Her hair stuck up partially on one side; she must have been yanking on it, and her flower was knocked sideways. "What...did...you...do...to....it?" she asked tightly.

Pein gulped, raising his hands in surrender. "K-Konan, sweetie, honey-babe...I have no clue what you're talking about...." he said weakly, cowering under her gaze.

"You...did something....to my medical files....for the entire Akatsuki..." Konan's teeth were clenched tightly, a vein throbbing on her forehead.

Pein blinked. "Oh, those? I spilled coffee on them, and didn't think they were that important...so I dumped them...in the trash...and had Hidan dump it...." he was aware that his voice was becoming quieter with every word, until it was almost gone.

Konan sighed, setting her teeth in a smile/grimace. "Pein..." she said slowly, cracking her knuckles ominously as she advanced on her shaking partner.

The auburn haired man's eyes were wide as he drew closer to the wall. "Yes, honey?" he squeaked, voice high.

Konan tilted her head to the side, blue curls falling over her shoulders, her smile becoming wider. "You have pissed me off," she said sweetly. "Do you know what happens when I get pissed?"

"Nothing good," Pein mumbled, gulping loudly.

"Oh yes. That's right. Nothing good happens," Konan smirked. "Now, you have a choice. Either "nothing good" happens to you, or you go fetch those papers out of the bins."

Pein was gone before she had finished her sentence. Konan smiled, shaking her head happily. "He's such a wimp sometimes..."

* * *

"Oh crap," Kisame muttered, holding up the pale blue cookie jar and looking inside. "We're out. Not good."

"Ita still wants a cookie, goldfish," Itachi whined, pulling on the hem of the shark's Akatsuki cloak impatiently. "NOW."

"Itachi-chan, there are no more cookies," Kisame said slowly, feeling his doom approach, and the child's red eyes narrowed.

"What was that?" Itachi hissed, puffing air into his chubby cheeks. "Are you telling Ita he can't have a cookie?! Ita wants a cookie!" He stamped his foot, and Kisame nearly dropped the jar when he noticed Itachi's beautiful black eyes become covered by bloody crimson.

Kisame shirked as Itachi took a strep towards him, radiating anger, and it took all of the shark's willpower to not cower behind the kitchen table. "They aren't any cookies, Itachi-chan!" he yelled, shoving the cookie jar in the boy's face.

Itachi studied it silently, brow furrowed. "Oh. Then goldfish needs to make Ita cookies."

Kisame blanched, skin turning a shade of pale blue. "What the-- I don't know how to bake!" he protested loudly.

Itachi glowered at him, eyes threatening to turn red once again. "Never to late to learn. Now get started; Ita's hungry."

"Yes, master...."

* * *

Konan giggled as she dashed down the hall. "Kisame's so going to to hate this..." she muttered happily, pulling open the door to the kitchen. Her jaw dropped.

Kisame was no longer blue, and the kitchen was no longer even vaguely clean. Flour coated everything, chocolate chips were crushed underfoot, the sugar jar had been dropped, the shark looked like a ghost, he was so coated in white....but Itachi was perfectly clean. In fact, he was sitting on the table (the only clean surface), stuffing his face with a handful of butterscotch chips. A bowl, full of cookie dough, sat next to the young Uchiha.

After a moment of silent horror, Konan found her voice. "What is going on here?!"

"He wants cookies," Kisame mumbled, pointing a cookie dough-filled spoon at the giggling child. "He threatened me."

"You're so whipped, Kisame," Konan muttered, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I found out how we can cure Itachi."

"I'm listening," the now albino shark nodded, grabbing the bowl from the table and trying to stir it.

"You need to recover three potions for it. One is in the Uchiha complex in Konoha, one in Orochimaru's place, and the last is in the sand village," Konan reeled off, leaning forward and dipping her finger in the bowl of dough, stealing a taste. "Take Itachi with you, and leave now."

She left then, calling over her shoulder, "Don't bother with cleaning; Pein'll do it."

Kisame rolled his eyes as he shook his head, a cloud of flour rolling off him. "I'm not the whipped one here...."

* * *

**Author's Comments:** ...Just keep telling yourself that, Kisa-chan....


End file.
